Wednesday, May 27, 2009

normal anxiety?

My new favorite blog to read is Laura from Piece of Cake....always cracking me up about her life with a gazillion kids and baking amazing cakes. Her recent post hit home. This weekend the family and i decided to walk in a benefit 5K...our plan was to walk.....but the funny part was that as soon as everyone starting running...I couldn't resist and started running too! We finished...practically last.....but we finished. The best part about it was that we did it as a family. Rob pushed Cooper in the stroller....and Caroline and I walked...jogged....held hands....and smiled the whole way. I can still hear my husband...cheering me on. I can still see Caroline's people cheered for her.

After we finished the race we walked back to cheer on a number of runners who were still trying to finish....and a runner collapsed right in front of first we thought he had a cramp or just too tired to go on...but as he received medical help we realized it was more serious...and right before our eyes he stopped breathing. I have been shaken by this still. We quickly took the kids home because they were starting to ask questions....and we later learned that he is recovering in the hospital.....thank GOD. But I still have this anxious feeling. I think about all the loved ones who have passed...ones we have lost to cancer....and i am frozen with fear.

I am trying to slow things down....not worry about the little things....let Cooper eat peanut butter sandwiches for every meal....I find myself trying to take pictures so that I won't forget every moment, every smile, every giggle. Sometimes I just sit and stare at my children and can't believe how big they have fast...too fast. Is this part of being a mom? wishing that i could freeze time or at least slow it down.

maybe I'm feeling this way because all Caroline can talk about is turning 5..........she has been attending Kindergarten orientation all month at the "big" school....Cooper can't stop saying...."I go to peeschool when i theee!" holding up random fingers.....and Rob and I are going on a trip...WITHOUT the kids.......I need to get a grip....I know.....stop thinking that the plane is going to crash and my kids will grow up without me....ok, I'll stop now....with fear that ya'll will think I'm crazy.

1 comment:

Laura said...

first of all..thank you.

Second...yeah, the fear. It sucks. And it comes out of nowhere, it seems. I think some personalities are more prone to it. I find it VERY hard to slow down..say NO...not DO IT ALL by myself. But I am learning.

Keep taking those pictures....and live in the moment.