Thursday, April 14, 2011

ever have one of those days

where you feel like a total failure at this parenting thing???

that was yesterday for me.

Caroline and i got in a huge fight

over nothing really.

lulu4she had her heart set on taking Cooper’s backpack to bring HER stuff for vacation…because it had more pockets…..even though she has 3 backpacks to choose from, she wanted HIS.

A full tantrum erupted….  “your a mean mommy!!” “this is so unfair!!” “I don’t want to live here anymore!!”   awful things were just flying out of her mouth….her little body was just FULL of anger.lulu5 

and of course i yelled back…..because when i told her to go to her room….she didn’t.

So i yelled some more. And mean things were flying out of my mouth.


and i have a knot in my stomach just thinking about it…because i don’t want to yell, i don’t want to be this angry mom, and i know better.

i can be better.


you see…Caroline is my intense child, EVERY decision is difficult, she over thinks everything, and becomes very overwhelmed, cooperation and  compromise are not easy for her. In our family dynamics she NEEDS lots of attention, she NEEDS constant reassurance, she NEEDS us to stay calm and talk her through situations.

most days we give her as much as we can, and sometimes its never enough.


i know that i not only have to love her,

i have to love her FIERCELY.


for the FIRST time, after a very long time-out in her room, she came to me and said she was ready to talk. This was a big deal.

you see, after a fight/argument she has very little remorse and she never wants to apologize. But yesterday she curled up in my lap and was able to look me in my eyes…and we talked….and we cried….and we talked some more.


sloan said...

oh, poor jess, those moments are so draining aren't they?! I've so been there, twice over! i'm sorry you guys had a rough patch, but really glad to hear the the story had a happy ending! Deep breaths, tomorrow's a new day ...

Shannon said...

Parenting can be so overwhelming and hard sometimes we all lose it now and then. I think it's great that she came out and wanted to talk things through that shows right there you didn't fail in anyway! Hope today is better for you :)

Jenny said...

Sounds like my daughter too. I officially joined the "you're a mean mommy" club recently over not letting her go to a sleepover. I am also a member of the "you're not fair" and "I never get to do anything because of you" clubs. Hopefully things will be better today.

gabe said...

First of all love the photos...

Maybe she got it out of her system so now you can have a peaceful trip??

Jen said...

Loving fiercely! Yes! Huge! I love that you were able to really talk. I struggle with the same things so often...many times I do not take care...and I let myself fly off the handle. Makes me feel much better when I can at least control myself even if I cant control my child. Hard days!

The Woven Moments said...

Great post! Katie Duncan recommended your blog to me after reading my blog. Turns out we are sisters of another mother. Who knew?

Hallelujahs said...

This made me tear up! Those moments are so intense, and yet in the end, when our kids can come to us and feel safe to talk and apologize and figure things out...that's when we know we're doing alright! All the things you said sure struck voice elevates quite quickly these days and I surely am struggling with patience. Thank you for reminding me I am not the only one, and shedding light on a precious moment with your daughter!